What is Called a Perfect Family in The Modern World

In your opinion editorial, “What’s a ‘Normal Family’, Anyways?” published by The New York Times on February 5 in 2019, you argue that family should be all about love. You support your claim by introducing your own personal experience, comparing households from then to now, describing close friends and strangers viewpoint on this type of family dynamic, and debating what is a perfect family experience. Your purpose was to illustrate that love can be found through community and friendships instead of prioritizing romantic love. You write in a optimistic and sincere tone for the audience of the older generations and new generations. I agree with your logic that love can be found in different types of relationship and agree that in today’s society the concept of family dynamics is evolving. However I want reflect more about what is a perfect family - I will do in this essay.

What is a Perfect Family: Whether We Need to Love Each Other

You suggest that family is all about love, but what is love? It can be interpreted in many ways such as a feeling that can manifest itself between two children, adults or animals but it can be something different entirely; there are many different types of love such as brotherly love, animal love, romantic love and many others. Looking at the perspective of researcher, professor of International Relations and director of Global Data Center, Jong-Hee Park and others point out that “...intimacy is presented as one of three major components of love; the other two are passion and commitment”. Because different people have different expectations of love that is why most of the time they lack one of the three components of love in their relationship. Assuming that people view love with the feelings of appreciation, affection and closeness, they lack the ambition to fix themselves or learn something new to be able to resolve their situations. This leads to many adults to have a harder time finding a partner because they don’t know what they are doing wrong since they have have followed every step in the guide book which does not necessarily mean that something will happen, which can lead us into the topic of family.

I am slightly fascinated but not shocked about the fact that a family does not need to be “united” or “complete” to be able to function like a regular family. I believe that in today's society many people are becoming more open and willing to come to terms that a “perfect” family will not always consist of two parents; one male and one female, and their children, it might consist of two mothers, two fathers, or a single parent. Technically family might even be your close friends or distant relatives that have been once removed. Studies from the Pew Research Center have shown that the number of two parent households have been “dropping from 87 percent of households in 1960 to 69 percent in 2014”. They are just as happy as any ordinary family. There is no need for “traditional” family because I would believe that many people today chose to be a single parent household or don’t have much of a choice. We also have to take into account that children nowadays that live with two parents might be facing a variety of family arrangements because of the increase in remarriages, cohabitation and divorces. This may not be healthy and can cause many problems for the children in later stages which may or may not be as obvious to the eye.

It can be said that I agree that family should have love in the equation because sometimes the person that you love the most can hurt you. There are many others factors that we have to take into account because in today's society to be born is a privilege or a curse. Love can be something that is unnecessary at times because although most of us come to understand that love is not something that sweeps us of our feet, we forget that we don’t have as much time to indulge in it. It can lead to many mistakes and in the end it may disappoint you. Because to get love and to keep it you have to learn a variety of skills and that takes time which can lead to the thought that “The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel”. This may cause people to get angry and controlling to the point where they are forcing down their beliefs of what love should be without realizing the consequences. It can be very detrimental to young children, especially when they don’t understand why their mom and dad are fighting. Human beings can sometimes be very cruel, so imagine a child being born into a society where people don’t love themselves as much as they should, where love is very superficial and not all that great.

Final Thoughts

There is no denying it that in today’s society love can be found in different relationships and that the family dynamics are slowly changing. I believe you have the right mindset because it is something that many people ponder over from time to time and it is a fantastic thought to find love in a relationship. And knowing that having a diverse family household is becoming more common and accepted. I have come to the conclusion that we don’t have time to indulge in trying to find love, there are more pressing matters and that is why I think that people nowadays throw themselves into situations that they believe is the right choice. I believe that love should be the ones that form over time and is not “forced” upon, the type of love that is formed in a family or friendship. So ask yourself this: Who is your family? What does family mean to you? Do you believe love should be a priority?  

References

1. Cherlin, A. J. (2010). 'The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today.' Vintage.

2. Coontz, S. (2005). 'Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage.' New York: Viking.

3. Hareven, T. K. (1996). 'Families, History, and Social Change: Life-Course and Cross-Cultural Perspectives.' Westview Press.

4. Merz, E. M., Consedine, N. S., Schulze, H., & Schuengel, C. (2018). 'The Perfect Family: An Explorative Study on the Ideals of Today's Parents and Their Links to Parental Distress.' Journal of Child and Family Studies, 27(3), 953-964.

5. Parke, R. D. (2015). 'Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be.' Houghton Mifflin.

6. Schwartz, C. R. (2010). 'Easing the Teasing: Helping Your Child Cope with Name-Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying.' New Harbinger Publications.

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7. Stephens, L. F., & George, J. M. (2005). 'Reframing Parent Involvement: A Multilevel Family Systems Approach to Parent-Teacher Relationships.' School Psychology Review, 34(2), 167-187.