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Who Am I: Discussion of My Personality and Life

About this sample

About this sample

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Words: 474 |

Page: 1|

3 min read

Published: Apr 8, 2022

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

Words: 474|Page: 1|3 min read

Published: Apr 8, 2022

Essay grade:
Satisfactory
arrow downward Read Review

Who am I? To answer this question requires a lot of thoughts, and cannot be put into a single sentence, as there are several things that can describe who I am. In general, I am a kind and positive person who likes being around people and can easily get along with anyone. One of my longtime interests in video games, as I enjoy immersing myself in other worlds. I have also enjoyed playing video games from a young age, and continue to do so into adulthood. When I was around 12 years old, I fell in love with a video game called Super Mario Bros. It was my favourite game and still is to this day. There are still some days on which I look back and fondly remember the days when I was a kid, having so much fun with that game. Those are the good memories that will stick with you until the day you die, and they define who I am.

'Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned'?

Although I was born in India, I came to Canada in 2006 with my mom and sister and my dad came in 2005, I felt like I was in heaven it was much better than India and much cleaner. To me, it seemed like a beautiful country and a great place to live. To this day, I continue to believe in that sentiment that I held on to as a child. Everyone is very kind here, and so many people immigrate from different countries to Canada and make it very special and unique. I feel proud to be a Canadian citizen. There are many places in this country that I love and hold close to my heart, but if I had to choose my favourite place in the entire country, I would say that it is Niagara Falls. This is because I have spent many summers there and made a lot of memories with my family.

Additionally, I’ve seen many people in my life who are working hard and aiming so much to succeed in their careers. But they don’t realize they have to know who they are first before it gets late. So how do “you” exactly describe yourself to be you? The shortest answer to that question is believing in yourself, in your talents, your nature and your behaviour. Everything will automatically get together don’t run for things you don’t need in life don’t dwell on the past. Be a great person because that’s who you are, before all the names and degrees that you have.

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In a conclusion, I’m 18 years old now taking business management, trying my best to do good in college and enjoy my life at the same time and I still have time to find myself what I can do and what type of business I can open in the future and find my own peace. 

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This essay was graded by
Dr. Oliver Johnson
Essay’s grade:
Satisfactory
What’s grading
minus plus
Expert Review
The essay is focused on discussing the writer's personality and life. The organization of the essay is not bad, but it needs improvement to be more coherent. The sentence structure is simple, and it needs variety to make the writing more engaging. The grammar needs to be improved, as there are several mistakes that affect the clarity of the writing. The voice is a bit informal, and it could be improved by using a more formal tone to match the nature of the essay.
minus plus
What can be improved
The essay starts with a general question that introduces the topic, but it needs a thesis statement to guide the reader through the writing. The essay lacks a clear structure, as the writer jumps from one topic to another without a clear connection. For instance, the writer mentions the video game Super Mario Bros, but it is not clear how it relates to the discussion of their personality. Similarly, the writer jumps from discussing their life in Canada to the importance of self-discovery without a clear transition. The essay needs to be more coherent to make it easier for the reader to follow the writer's thoughts. The sentence structure is too simple and lacks variety. There are several repetitive structures, such as starting sentences with "I" or "To me". The writing could be more engaging by using a variety of sentence structures and lengths to make it more interesting to read. The grammar needs improvement, as there are several mistakes that affect the clarity of the writing. For example, the writer uses "aiming so much" instead of "aiming high" and "before all the names" instead of "before all the titles". These mistakes make the writing sound unclear and unprofessional. Finally, the voice is a bit informal, and it could be improved by using a more formal tone to match the nature of the essay. For example, the writer uses contractions, such as "don't" and "can't" instead of using the full form. The essay would benefit from using a more formal tone to make it sound more professional.

Cite this Essay

Who am I: Discussion of My Personality and Life. (2022, April 08). GradesFixer. Retrieved May 26, 2024, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/who-am-i-discussion-of-my-personality-and-life/
“Who am I: Discussion of My Personality and Life.” GradesFixer, 08 Apr. 2022, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/who-am-i-discussion-of-my-personality-and-life/
Who am I: Discussion of My Personality and Life. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/who-am-i-discussion-of-my-personality-and-life/> [Accessed 26 May 2024].
Who am I: Discussion of My Personality and Life [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2022 Apr 08 [cited 2024 May 26]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/who-am-i-discussion-of-my-personality-and-life/
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