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Everyone has a variety of different reasons as to why a marriage fails. Whether it is on the men’s part or the women’s part, divorce has a way of being predominant in the 21st century. Most gentlemen think the ladies are too “bossy” and “arrogant.” Most ladies think men are “messy” and “stubborn.” However, there are shared conflict of interests such as children and finances. Various factors play a role in divorce; the main one in today’s world is communication. Communication is defined as the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. In the essay, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” Tannen states “Given the current divorce rate of nearly 50 percent, that amounts to millions cases in the U.S every year- a virtual epidemic of failed conversation.” (421). Although men and women have some similarities such as physical characteristics, they have a plethora of different opinions on the topic of communication.
In my conducted survey, I established that in fact 68 percent of the population of Facebook thought communication was the number one cause for marital issues. The other 20 percent said cheating and being unfaithful was the number one cause of problems. Then, 12 percent answered that their marriages were, for the most part, “fine.” Experiences and external factors such as environment and childhood background can influence these votes and have a major impact on the average human’s development. For example, if a child is raised in a home with parents who are fighting constantly, yelling, and arguing, they will think every relationship is supposed to replicate that. They will grow up and start treating their wife/ husband in an unrespectable manor because it is all they have known. This in turn would be passed on to their children. On the other hand, if a child grows up with two loving parents who only argue behind closed doors and for the most part “get along” then the matured adult will 9 times out of 10 be the quiet and sensitive one. These adults will tend to have empathy and understanding.
We, as women, have an abundant number of expectations for a man. We want him to be romantic, rich, and handsome as well as having a sense of humor. After pondering this for a while though, it is just not realistic. Women want a man who knows the “right” thing to say at the “perfect” time. That is just not possible either. Men have countless ways of expressing their emotions. Eleamue writes, “The woman talks more than the man, she expresses her feelings, and he exposes facts, she needs to be listened and he needs advice.” (Eleamue). Therefore, where communication is concerned, men get angry extra easily. Screaming is there specialty. To them it is a way to get their point across. Contrary to this, women are more emotional. They cry and some just walk away to be alone for a while. This does not help maters any. Eleamue also states, “For a man, silence will be a refusal, and for a woman silence would be a sign that she has not been heard.” (Eleamue)
The male species have their own viewpoint. They view women as being companions and excellent role models. However, women to them are also viewed as being “weaker.” In a recent study, men reported that they expect women to have an “hourglass” figure, have goals and to give them their “space.” Although these standards are just not justifiable. Every man has alternate styles of communication. Engaging in dialogue is an important key to a successful relationship. To know what is going on, people have to talk. To fix problems, people have to talk. To learn new things about each other, people have to talk. Conversation is essentially the glue that holds everything together. Without it, love is void.
A new era of communication has evolved –Technology. Women like to text and talk on the phone whereas men enjoy face-to-face interaction. Several times a day, a woman will text a man a long paragraph explaining how she feels. Men, on the other hand, reply with short and simple answers. This has become a problem on dates as well. Most men when on dates expect women to pay attention to them while exchanging conversation over a nice meal. However, women are usually concerned more about the outside world and what is happening on Twitter. Conflict arises when phones, Ipads, and tablets are added into the equation. It has also become easier to cheat due to this new age of robotics. Now people have the option of getting a girls phone number and just saving it as a men’s name so his girlfriend will not know who he is really talking to. It is easier to hide because deleting conversations is more convenient, and setting passwords is more applicable. As Rappleyea says in her essay, “Young adults believe that “talking,” “hanging out,” and “sharing intimate details,” are more important when compared with using technology to establish a relationship.” (Rappleyea)
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