How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice 437 words [Essay Example]
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How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice

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About this sample

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Words: 437 |

Page: 1|

3 min read

Updated: 27 January, 2025

Essay grade:
Good
arrow downward Read Review

Words: 437|Page: 1|3 min read

Updated: 27 January, 2025

Essay grade:
Good
arrow downward Read Review

My name is Bre’Shayla Hill. I am currently a student at Lincoln High School receiving general curriculum. I will be graduating May 23, 2019. Being successful means so much to me, and it is something that I want to obtain. I have always loved going to school. I was the student who would get emotional over not receiving an A. My education has always been important to me, but I have been placed with obstacles that are making it harder for me to further my education being that I grew up in a single parent home. After years of observing my hardworking mother and the sacrifices she has made I knew I wanted and had to be successful. Because I am passionate about helping others this motivates me to develop a career in medicine as only here I feel that I can fully express my love and care to other people. 

My educational aspirations consist of earning a first an associates degree in Radiologic Technology/Science, then to earn my bachelors in Radiation Therapy that will assist me in pursuing a medical career as a Radiation Therapist. I am truly passionate about one thing and that is helping others. My career vision is to help as many patients as I can to the best of my ability. I am very certain that if I do not complete my college degree I will never get the chance to achieve my goal. To achieve my goals, I know that I must get a four year college education which will begin with the Fall 2019 semester. I am excited about what is instore for me in the future and if given this scholarship I will have the opportunity to further my education and become a successful Radiation Therapist.

I am passionate about helping others. I want to touch lives and make an impact on patients I will encounter on the job. Throughout my experiences, I have developed a strong desire to be in the medical field and a desire to be challenged. Not only wanting to help others, the diagnosis of breast cancer to my cousin made my passion for pursuing a career in radiation therapy even stronger.

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Lastly, another goal of mine is to be successful in everything I do and education plays a vital role in shaping successful people. It gives the chance to become productive members of society by skills needed to do so. Education is the stepping stone for our future and getting an education is crucial in society today. If given this scholarship I will have the opportunity to further my education and achieve the goals I have set. 

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This essay was graded by
Dr. Oliver Johnson
Essay’s grade:
Good
What’s grading
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Expert Review
The essay by Bre’Shayla Hill is a heartfelt narrative that effectively conveys her passion for education and helping others. Her aspiration to become a Radiation Therapist is well-articulated, highlighting her personal motivations and experiences that have shaped this career choice. The structure of the essay is coherent, leading the reader through her educational goals and the challenges she faces. However, there are areas for improvement to enhance clarity and depth. The essay would benefit from more specific examples of experiences or achievements that demonstrate her commitment and skills relevant to her chosen field. Additionally, elaborating on how she plans to overcome obstacles as a single-parent household member could provide a more comprehensive view of her resilience and determination. The repetitive mention of passion without substantial evidence dilutes its impact slightly. Overall, while the content is inspiring, refining these aspects could elevate its effectiveness in conveying her suitability for a scholarship.
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What can be improved
The essay by Bre’Shayla Hill showcases her strong desire to pursue a career in radiation therapy and her dedication to education. However, there are several areas that could be improved for greater impact. Firstly, incorporating specific examples from her experiences would enhance the narrative's authenticity and provide evidence of her commitment to helping others. For instance, sharing a personal story about volunteering, internships, or any relevant involvement in the healthcare field would illustrate her passion more vividly. Additionally, while she mentions the challenges of growing up in a single-parent household, expanding on how these obstacles have shaped her resilience and determination would give readers a clearer understanding of her journey. Discussing specific strategies she has employed to overcome these challenges could demonstrate her resourcefulness and drive. Moreover, the repeated emphasis on passion without substantial support can dilute its significance. Instead of reiterating this sentiment, it would be more effective to show how this passion manifests in her actions and aspirations. Lastly, tightening the overall structure for clarity and flow would strengthen the essay. Ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next will make for a more cohesive read. By addressing these aspects, Bre’Shayla can create a more compelling case for herself as an ideal candidate for the scholarship.

Cite this Essay

How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice. (2023, July 03). GradesFixer. Retrieved February 14, 2025, from https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/how-being-passionate-about-helping-others-shaped-my-career-choice/
“How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice.” GradesFixer, 03 Jul. 2023, gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/how-being-passionate-about-helping-others-shaped-my-career-choice/
How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice. [online]. Available at: <https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/how-being-passionate-about-helping-others-shaped-my-career-choice/> [Accessed 14 Feb. 2025].
How Being Passionate About Helping Others Shaped My Career Choice [Internet]. GradesFixer. 2023 Jul 03 [cited 2025 Feb 14]. Available from: https://gradesfixer.com/free-essay-examples/how-being-passionate-about-helping-others-shaped-my-career-choice/
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