Psychological Trauma Due to Divorce of Parents

Initial Reaction

I started crying, my hands were sweaty, and chills went up my spine. My parents had told me and my siblings that they were getting a divorce. My immediate reaction was to blame myself. As I sat there in my living room, I felt lost and scared of what the future was going to be like.

Psychological Trauma Due to Divorce of Parents

When my parents started the process of getting divorced, I was ten years old, and it was really tough for me as a child. For someone who was ten years old, listening to fighting and being lied to about things was very hard. Being ten years old, I was going into middle school, which made it even harder for me because I was balancing school and my parents’ divorce at the same time.

Changes and Challenges

Going through my parents’ divorce, for both of my sisters and me, involved a lot of changes in the way we lived. We did not get to see our dad as often as we used to before, which was very weird to us. At the time, I wasn’t old enough to understand the dramatic changes in my life. I was not happy because the thought of not getting to see my father often made me upset. Even today, 4 years later, I still struggle with my parents being divorced. Always having to stop what I’m doing and hang out with one parent at a time or even forgetting to call one parent can be overwhelming.

Coping Mechanisms

I couldn’t handle the stress, so I decided to use video games as a way to ignore my parents’ divorce. I became desperately devoted to video games because it was an escape from reality. Playing video games to ignore the situation was not healthy for me. I had to do something different. I started to look at the situation in a different way. I tried thinking about the positive things in my life and how there are other people dealing with worse situations than me. One of my friends’ mothers is suffering from ALS, a degenerative disease. She is currently confined to her bed and can only use her eyes to communicate with people through a computer. My friend’s situation made me reflect on my situation, and I realized that my situation is not as bad as his. By doing this, it really changed my perspective on the situation I was in. It made me thankful that my life isn’t as bad as other people’s lives.

Understanding and Acceptance

People can say that divorce is terrible and not healthy for a kid because the kid can become emotionally stressed out. They can also say how living in a house with two parents who do not want to be together is bad for a kid. I think that this is true, but not entirely true. Having divorced parents felt really bad at first. In the beginning, it was a very emotional time for me as everything was changing very quickly. At times, I was very stressed out because I didn’t like having to take time out of my day just to visit my father. Obviously, I love my father; it’s just that I would prefer to see him on a daily basis and not have to worry about making a set schedule just to see him. As I got older, I realized that having my parents divorced gave me emotional strength and a sense of direction on what to be like in the future.

Reflection and Gratitude

Even though my parents are divorced, I can say that I am very thankful and fortunate to have both of my parents in my life. Both help guide me in the right direction, so I do not make the same choices they did. There is always that lingering question in my mind of what my life could have been like with my parents together. This question always bothers me when I think about it because I’m never sure if I would like my parents together or not. I feel like if my parents were still together, they might fight every day, which could make my life more difficult. I am pretty sure all kids who have divorced parents could say the exact same thing about their lives, too.

Conclusion

There is really no answer to what my life would be like if my parents stayed together all these years. I say this because even though it was four years ago, I have no memory of waking up to both of my parents every single day and doing things with both of them. The experience has shaped me in ways I never anticipated, and I have grown stronger because of it.

References

1. Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
2. Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-362.
3. Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: A 25-year landmark study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 43(3), 249-261.
4. Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.