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Divorce rates are very high nowadays. There are so many couples seeking for divorce in this current world. A bigger percentage of couples are not happy in their marriages which is really not good. The add salt to injury is that new couples are also divorcing. People can get married for a month or even two weeks and still divorce. It’s funny, but you can find couples who have been married for over thirty years wanting to divorce. It is very unfortunate that most marriages are failing. As much as all this is happening I am very sure no one gets into marriage expecting it to fail. Everyone who marries believes that he or she has found their soulmate and hopes that they will stay together after being bound by the marriage vow. Actually newly married couples usually have a lot of good expectations but unfortunately life is full of uncertainties. You can never predict what would happen since anyone can turn their back on you, and then you are left all alone not knowing what to do. With this thought in mind, in this essay I would like to talk about the major causes of divorce.
What is infidelity? This is having an affair outside marriage. Most people call it cheating or better still adultery. Cases of cheating are rampant nowadays. There are so many cases of spouses killing each other simply because he or she found the other one cheating. Apart from killing each other some spouses just decide to divorce. Actually, extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of very many families. The major question we are supposed to ask here is, what causes infidelity? I will discuss two major reasons of infidelity,
Believe it or not some partners find it hard to forgive their partners who cheated on them. They therefore decide to revenge by cheating also which brings more harm than good. I think when it reaches to this point the couple should see a marriage counselor.
Feeling Like the Relationship is One Sided
If one partner feels like he or she has less attention, underappreciated or all the financial burden is on him or her then the relationship is one sided. This might tempt him or her to find some other companion outside which is really dangerous.
This is actually the big dog here. To my opinion money has broken majority of marriages. Problems may arise due to careless spending habits and one partner having more money than the other. I tend to believe that most men feel threatened if their wives earn more than them. This may lead to unnecessary chaos. Another challenge is that if the woman earns more, she may feel superior leading to power struggle. The law of nature states that the man is the head of the house. This will never change no matter how learned a woman is. I think this is the reason why some men do not allow their wives to work after marrying them. Such factors should be taken into keen consideration if at all partners want to have a stable marriage. Proper planning on finances needs to be done in each family.
Couples can argue about financial matters, kids or their responsibilities. I have seen most couples arguing about kids. The reasons may be who should pick the kids from school, blaming each other for the rebelliousness of one child, arguing on who should pay school fees, buy clothes for children and even blaming each other on childlessness. Both partners may be working so when they reach home in the evening after work, they start arguing on who should do the house chores. The main reason as to why a couple may be constantly arguing is that one may be feeling like her opinions are being ignored and therefore he or she always comes up with the same issue. This is really dangerous to any relationship, may it be dating or marriage since one partner will get tired and give up leading to divorce.
Good communication is the foundation of quality marriage. Yelling and speaking harshly or giving each other negative comments is not right. Shouting or yelling is not good since the other partner will get offended. A soft answer turns away wrath. It is unfortunate that some couples are used to yelling at each other on very minor issues. Unhealthy methods of communication should be ditched in any relationship since this is a major cause of divorce.
Life is full of disappointments. Getting into a marriage expecting your spouse to live up to the image of who they are in your mind is not advisable. Some partners expect too much from their partners in which they cannot offer. This makes them view their partners as failures since they have not met their standards. Wrong expectations can therefore lead to divorce. You should love the person that you are seeing and not the idea of who they should be or they are going to be after marriage.
One of the most serious causes of divorce is abuse. Abuse can be physical or emotional. Physical abuse is rampant in our current world. If you talk to many young people, they usually have a story to tell about their parents who have lived quarrelling and beating each other. Physical abuse does not just come as the first step it actually begins with emotional abuse where one partner if it the man, criticizes the woman on her dressing style, walking style, how she talks, her physical appearance and worse still control her every movement. As it is known, women thrive on what they hear. This might really affect a lady. As for women, they may try to blame the men for their unhappiness, constantly check their phones for their text messages and phone calls or even accuse their husbands of cheating. All these are forms of emotional abuse.
If emotional abuse leads to physical abuse whereby the husband and wife beat each other, then that is a no go zone. This is a big cause of divorce. It is advisable that one should flee an abusive relationship or marriage so as to save yourself and your kids all the suffering which is really traumatizing.
It is usually said that marriage should not be entered into inadvisably and without the fear of God. Some youths just enter marriage without any consultation thinking that it would be easy. They may actually be thinking that they are fleeing their current problems since they have found the person they love, only to realize that they are adding their troubles. One should be psychologically prepared and well advised on how to stay with his or her spouse and children. Since many young people especially those in their 20’s enter into matrimony inadvisably, they find it hard to cope with the challenges and afterwards divorce.
Can you imagine of couples living like a brother and sister? With this I mean that neither do they have physical intimacy nor do they have emotional intimacy. If you are not connected to your partner it actually feels like you are living with a total stranger. Intimacy is not all about sexual needs, emotional intimacy is also important whereby you connect, talk nicely to each other, surprise each other and also help each other. You should also not ignore your partners sexual needs. You need to be there to cater for their sexual needs otherwise they will start having the thoughts of infidelity which may lead to divorce.
It is really surprising how the body of women changes after giving birth to children. Some men marry slim ladies who after delivering children become plump due to baby fat. Since God made people with a lot of diversities, some men marry plump ladies who reduce after delivering their babies. If love and understanding is not what governs a relationship then the husband might start finding his wife less sexually attractive. Once he withdraws his attention from her the problem arises there. Some couples therefore divorce due to that which is really bad. As long as a girl tries to maintain her hygiene after delivery, I don’t think physical appearance should matter.
It is certainly true that a woman can hide the real her in order to catch the attention of a man. The same can also happen to a woman whereby a man hides the real him so as to marry her. This is not correct at all. It is usually said that you should not pretend but you should be yourself and someone will love you for who you are. It is really bad that some people realize later in marriage that they married a totally different person. In worst case scenarios, a man may marry a very innocent and humble woman educate her until she gets where she wanted to be but unfortunately the woman may change and turn wild to a point where the husband cannot tell her anything. Many people are just perseverance in marriage instead of enjoying their marriages which is very sad. In such cases where partners find out that they are strangers to each other, they mostly opt to divorce.
Alcohol is a commonly abused drug. A combination of alcohol and other drugs is more dangerous. The problem usually comes up if the breadwinner of the house drinks irresponsibly and forgets about his responsibilities. Some men use all their salary on drinking and neglect their families leaving the family with a lot of financial constraints. In addition to this the level of drug abuse may reach to a point where the partner no longer reaches to work on time or even does not go to work because he or she spends most of his time feeding the addictions. In other cases drug abuse may cause violence in the homes. This is another big cause of divorce.
Apart from companionship, people get married for procreation. It is the desire of every woman to bear children. A couple may be unable to have children due to reproductive issues from either the husband or the wife. The problem with our society is that people are always fast to blame the women which is wrong. A man can also be infertile. In such situations people are told to seek medical guidance. If the partners are not patient with each other hoping that things might change, then this is another major cause of divorce.
This mostly occurs in long distance relationships or marriages. After marriage it is not advisable to take your spouse for granted. If your partner lives in another country or work far you really need to communicate a lot to cover the fact that you are in a long distance marriage. If this does not happen, partners might lose interest in each other leading to loneliness. Loneliness might trigger one’s mind into infidelity which may eventually lead to divorce.
It is so unfortunate that most couples after getting children they put all their focus on children and forget the reason as to why they got married in the first place. They major on their children so much forgetting that they have a spouse. As children grow up to the point where they are working, the couple is left alone finds out that they have nothing in common and have grown to be apart. This can easily lead to divorce, since there is no connection.
Every couple has disagreements, the only difference is how couples resolves conflicts. Decisions should not be one-sided. In some cases, a third party such as a parent, elder or pastor has to be involved so as to help the couple resolve the conflict. In this case both partners should be willing to listen, if not, it can result to divorce.
In this essay I have analyzed what causes divorce among couples. The causes of divorce may vary from simple conflicts and lack of communication to some serious problems such as infidelity, abuse, infertility, etc. But it only depends on a couple and their desire to save or end their marriage.
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