The Importance of Effective Communication

When I was high school student, I had bad relationship with my brother; we usually didn’t talk to each other. We fought several times a day. His annoying tone always made me angry. One morning, while watching TV, I asked my brother: “Why are you so annoyed whenever I talk? Don't you want to talk with me?”. My brother suddenly got angry and said “that make no sense. It’s because you always talks things that have no relevant to the subject, and you never understand me the first time, and make me say the same thing several times.” I was so embarrassed because I think I always listen carefully. So I said “What? What did you say?”. Then he sighed and entered her room.

In the classroom, although students were sitting and talking in groups, they didn’t look at each other in the faces; they were only looking at their phones. After I said hello to my friends, I sat down and talked to them about what happed yesterday. After I finished talking, I usually got angry, because one of my friends ask me, “What? What did you say just now?”, and another friend said outrageous things. I hate such situations because I felt that I was ignored. But this time is different, as soon as heard my friend’s answer, I felt like I was hit the head. Since my friend’s responses were the responses that I usually showed to my brother.

Due to that incident, I could look at myself. My communications with others were frequently broken down. I often couldn’t get people’s saying, and my wrong responses broke the conversation with family and friends, and brought many arguments and misunderstandings with them. At that time I realized that if I listen more carefully and show proper reaction, I could prevent the bad situation. That evening, I went to my brother’s room. I didn’t bring my self-phone to concentrate on the communication. I ask him what happened to him today and what he worried about recently. He began to talk about his future career. I thought one of the biggest reasons of the fail communication is unappropriated reaction. So while he was talking, I actively listened his story; I use some nonverbal languages. For example, I saw his eye, showed him proper facial expression depending on his mood of speaking and nodded. Moreover, I tried to understand why and what made he concerned to give appropriate feedback. After he finished talking, I tried to deliver proper answer. Although I am not an expert, I confidently and clearly told him what I know about the job, and my personal opinion, for instance, the job might give him lots of stress because of working condition. I also tried to help solving his concerns.

After the communication with my brother, he said “thank you for listening. It was really great conversation”. I finally realized the most important thing in communication. When I talk with people, I have to use four ears-two of those are in my head and the others are on my heart – which means I have to open my mind. Even though I listen carefully, if I do not open my mind, the communication cannot be continued. I tried to listen sincerely and carefully to other’s words and try to make great response. As I am getting used to it, relations with people around me become much better.

Greek Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, says, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” However, I don’t agree, because we have four ears. When we talk with others, we have to use ears on the heart not only just use ears in the face; we should open the door of our mind. Communication is not only listening and speaking, but exchanging and understanding information and emotion. In every relationship with people, nothing is important than effective communication.