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About this sample
About this sample
Words: 1026 |
Pages: 2|
6 min read
Published: Mar 1, 2019
Words: 1026|Pages: 2|6 min read
Published: Mar 1, 2019
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No one really counts the number of obstacles they face in their lives because as the years go by, they just keep piling on endlessly.This is not entirely true, as many people do reflect on the challenges they have faced and may even keep track of them. It might be better to rephrase this as "It can be difficult to keep track of all the obstacles we face in life."
I was way too young to understand what an obstacle or challenge was, but when I first saw those handcuff placed on my older brother’s wrists. I knew that I would always remember that scene. It started out as a few months, then it escalated to years at a time I wouldn’t see him. I soon came to realize that I would have to grow up without my older brother in my life. He was always in some type of pain that was too complex for me to understand. He had given up hope of things getting better therefore he relied heavily on his ‘gangster mentality’ to keep him alive, however, it only put him into situations that left him shot and in a comma, then eventually back in prison.There are a few mistakes in this sentence. "Comma" should be "coma", and "then eventually" should be simply "eventually". It might also be better to rephrase this sentence for clarity, for example: "Despite his hopes for improvement dwindling, he continued to rely on his 'gangster mentality' to survive. Unfortunately, this often led him into dangerous situations, resulting in him being shot and eventually being sent back to prison."
However, the years were not always easy on me. The difficulty of trying to live a considerably normal life with a sibling with a disability is more challenging than one would think. He is not only my brother but my twin. His name is Dante and he has a form of autism that makes him unable to speak actual words, most of the time, he responds in sounds. Dante and I were always on two different levels. As the first born, Dante seemed like he could do everything.This sentence might be better if rephrased as "As the first born, Dante seemed to develop quickly, mastering skills such as walking, talking, and using the toilet at a young age."
Lastly, even though our relationship wasn’t as strong as I would of hoped- one of the most difficult periods I have ever endured in my life so far was losing my father before I even made it into middle school. I thought we would have had more time to fix our relationship. He was not the best of dads, but he was definitely not the worst. I didn’t know then that depression could kill a person from the inside, out. He was easily irritable, but also constantly saddened. It upset me that I wasn’t even enough to make him happy anymore. It’s hard to help someone fight when they have already given up. His death led to me to reflect on myself and how I would want to be remembered.The second "to" in this sentence should be removed for clarity. It should read "His death led me to reflect on myself and how I would want to be remembered."
I typically try not to think of my challenges too often, but I have concluded that my challenges are what keep me motivated and persistent to accomplish my highest goals. I refuse to let adversity crush me because that would mean that my family and I would have done all this suffering for nothing.This sentence might be improved by rephrasing it as "I refuse to let adversity defeat me, as that would make all of my family's and my own suffering for naught."
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