Values and Their Role in Our Lives: a Personal Reflection

Introduction

I started my job as a full-timer and when my children went to school, I reduced my working hours. During the first three years, I was motivated and satisfied but after that, the situation has changed. With every passing day, I became more and more demotivated, disgruntled and disengaged despite being successful and appreciated. I sensed I wasn’t growing nor thriving.

I wasn’t happy. I struggled for years with the decision to stay or leave this job and due to the internal conflict that I was living, I felt stuck … until I enrolled in Noble Manhattan Coaching program. I have particularly explored the module of Values and when I first experienced their impact, it was in a study buddy group coaching session where I played the role of the coachee and I talked about this issue. Today, I can say with complete confidence that I am a happy woman who has found inner peace and fulfillment. What happened, then? Actually, I left my job, listening to the inner voice of my two core values, Happiness and Growth, whispering to me: “let go of what no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” This personal story is one of the major reasons that led me to write my second essay about values.

What are Values

The Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries define values as “beliefs about what is right and wrong and what is important in life”. According to Lexico Dictionary, powered by Oxford, a core value is “a principle or belief that a person or organization views as being of central importance”. In his book, “Unlimited Power”, Anthony Robbins describes values as follows: “What are values? Simply, they are your own private, personal, and individual beliefs about what is most important to you. Our values are the things we all fundamentally need to move toward.

If we don’t, we won’t feel whole and fulfilled”. Based on these definitions and within the framework of coaching, I can say that the core values of the client are his highest beliefs that bring him the most happiness and fulfillment. Furthermore, in order to illustrate the concept of core values, it should be recognized that people value different things like love, success, growth, freedom, security, health, power, passion, integrity, comfort, transparency, respect, fun, challenge, honesty, support, growth, creativity, honor, acceptance, etc. When these values are ranked in order of importance, the highest values are the core ones.

Why is it Important for Me as a Coach to Discover My Client’s Core Values

The fundamental answer lies in the conviction that values represent the compass of the client. Well, I think that eliciting the supreme values of my client is crucial for both of us. On the one hand, it will greatly assist me as a coach since it provides me with a road map for my coaching sessions.

Once I clarify the emotions that my client is moving toward and that give him the most happiness, I can benefit from this knowledge while coaching him. And, on the other hand, when my client is aware of his own core values, he will be able to guide, strengthen and encourage himself at the deepest level. Consequently, discovering the client’s core values will have a great impact on the coaching relationship’s flow and outcome. It is “what makes the coaching relationship so rewarding.” In order to be more specific, the road map provided by discovering my client’s core values includes the following major steps:

1. Behavior
2. Decision making
3. Motivation
4. Fulfillment

In the following paragraphs, I will mainly highlight two points:

• the connection between my client’s core values and his behavior, decision making, motivation and fulfillment
• the impact of my client’s core values on each of these aspects, especially through examples.

Behavior

Knowing the ultimate values of my client will help me understand his behavior since values determine attitude. So, to get clear on what those values are gives me and my client an understanding of why he does what he does. For example, if my client values respect, I can easily understand why he acts in a respectful way.

Besides, knowing what really matters to my client help me offer him an opportunity to change his present behaviors if they don’t match his values. This could actually relieve the conflicting situation arising from the misalignment between his values and his behaviors. If my client’s work is routine and repetitive and I found out that growth comes out among his highest values, I would understand and he would also realize why he became disengaged. This observation will lead him to approach this issue differently in order to resolve the conflict. As George A. Sheehan’s quote says: “Anything that changes your values changes your behavior.”

Decision Making

As a coach, I can benefit from eliciting my client’s values in order to help him make decisions since values represent the solid foundation of every decision we make. They are the force that drives the client and guides him to make a choice according to what he values most in life. In this way, I can help him live persistently with his highest values in order to achieve life fulfillment. I am basically referring here to Anthony Robbins’ assertion: “Knowing a person’s values gives you a fix on their compass, and allows you to have insight into their decision making.”

To discover what the values of my client are and to rank them in order of priority will simplify decision making: when my client knows what is most important to him, making clear decisions and choices that meet his needs becomes simple and easy. As quoted by Roy E. Disney, the former senior executive for The Walt Disney Company: “When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” It is worth noting that values’ prioritization controls the way of making decision in every moment. For example, if my client’s number-one value is security, he will make choices accordingly when it comes to sports activity whereas another client, who values adventures the most will definitely take different decisions.

Motivation

“The significance of eliciting our values and those of our clients is to understand the controlling factors behind our beliefs and our behaviours, particularly when it comes to motivation. When people become disconnected from their values, they lose their motivation.” If I am trying as a coach to motivate my client, it would be helpful for me to find out his hierarchy of values. In fact, knowing his highest values can help me understand what motivates him and therefore support him and deal with him effectively so he can be empowered to resolve what is causing him conflict.

For example, if tranquility features among my client’s core values and he is currently feeling frustrated because he moved to a noisy neighborhood, he will probably feel more motivated in a peaceful setting. In addition, “values are the most powerful motivating tool we have. If you want to change a bad habit, the change can be made very rapidly if you link the successful maintenance of that change with high values.” Let us imagine that my client has been drinking excessively. If health turns out to be one of his ultimate values, he will be more motivated to quit drinking when I help him realize that drinking too much can seriously damage his health and how great he will feel after getting rid of this unhealthy habit.

Fulfillment

It’s important to me as a coach to learn what my client’s core values are so I will be able to help him live consistently by his highest ideals in order to feel a greater sense of harmony in his life. Going beyond that, I can say that only living by our set of values and acting in accordance with our principles would shape the life we desire and give rise to satisfaction, long-term happiness, fulfillment and inner peace. For example, if my client’s number-one value is acceptance, I can understand why despite his success, he is frustrated, disappointed and struggling when he doesn’t feel included nor important within his company.

Conclusion

In conclusion, as discussed above, to find out what the most substantial values of my client are assist me as a coach to help him understand his behaviors and make decisions. Besides, it considerably eases my task to motivate him and empower him in a way he could experience more congruency and fulfillment in his life. Values elicitation will thus contribute enormously to the desired outcome of the coaching sessions. I will end this discussion with these impressive words: “As coaches, we can assist in raising the awareness of our clients as to what matters to them. We can coach them to take the responsibility to design the life that they want, to encourage and support them to believe in themselves and to achieve anything that they truly want.”