Personal Experience that Made Me Better than before

This essay is about experiences in my life that have made me think about how it has made me become better than beforeThe introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that would indicate what the essay is going to be about. The author could revise the introduction by adding a sentence that clearly states the main point or purpose of the essay.

Close Comments. My childhood was very interesting because I have some very good experiences and some bad experiences. I think that my personal experiences have made me the type of person that I am today. The friends that I have made throughout my life have made my life better. I would not have changed anything that has happen to me because I felt like it has had a good impact on my life today.

The best personal experience that I have had in my life has to be the people that have gotten me to play soccer.While the paragraph provides some details about the author's experiences, it lacks a clear focus or direction. The author could revise this paragraph by focusing on one or two specific experiences and explaining how they impacted their life.

Close Comments They have been a good influence on me because I used to always be in trouble. I used to hang out with the wrong group of people because they would be always in the principal's officeThere are some issues with grammar. The author uses the phrase "they would be always in the principal's office" instead of "they were always in the principal's office."

Close Comments or they would be at home because they would be suspended. They have gotten me to play soccer and it has kept me out of trouble and kept me in good shape with all the running that is involved with the sport. The sport, Soccer, has gotten me looked at by some colleges coaches, so I think that I must be doing good because I want to go to college one day.The author could revise this paragraph by breaking it up into shorter sentences and using more precise language.

Close Comments I would like to become a college soccer coach so me going to college would help with that a ton. Me meeting the friends that have gotten me to play Soccer have helped me change my life around for the better.

The worst experiences in my life came when I was youngerThe paragraph lacks a clear focus or direction, and the author could benefit from providing more specific details about the experience they are describing.

Close Comments. I was young and not very smart because I wanted to be cool and I thought that since I was young I wouldn't get in trouble. One time I was at recess and there was this gumball things that come off trees, well they are spiky and I thought it would be funny if me and a group of friends, I was hanging around at the time, throw them at the girls in our class well I got in trouble and I got a paddling at school and when I got to the house.

Another really good experience in my life was when I moved. I used to go to Simpson Academy when I was younger and I was a hothead, you could say something just mildly offensive and I would be trying to fight. I moved to go to Magee and when I did, I wasn't happy because I lost my friends that I was hanging around but looking back on it now I'm very happy that I am at Magee. I made friends that were a good influence for me and they help me get in shape because of soccer. Soccer has taught me that you need to part of something to understand friendship and responsibility. I'm glad that my friends have gotten me to play Soccer because it might just be the thing that I do for the rest of my life and it might be the thing that gets me into college. Soccer has taught me to be respectful to everyone and before I wasn’t that way. I wouldn’t change my life in any way because it has changed my life for the better.

There have been experiences in my life that have made me think about how it has made me become better than beforeThe author could revise the conclusion by restating the thesis and summarizing the main points of the essay.

Close Comments. The experiences in my life have made me the type of person I am today and I am happy with the way I have grown up. I'm glad that I have moved schools because it made me find new friends that were a better influence on me. The friends I found made me play soccer, and I hope to play it for the rest of my life. I one day hope to go pro in Soccer one day and I can only thank my friends if that day was to come true. These personal experiences have shaped the rest of my life.