The Importance of Courtesy and Manners

How many times have you been walking behind someone and had a door slammed in your face? Annoying, right? Many of us do not realize how much small actions, such as holding the door open for others, affect our lives and what we think of other people. In fact, it has been shown that courtesy and manners, in general, have a direct link to respect. However, in recent years, many teens believe common courtesy is no longer common. Although 91% of people believe manners, civility, and etiquette play an “important” role in their lives, over two-thirds of teens feel the general public displays more bad manners than good on daily basis.

So what? Why are things like etiquette, courtesy, and manners important? An 18th-century English statesman once said “Manners are of more importance than laws. Upon them, in great measures, the laws depend”, meaning laws are the base, the groundwork, but manners are what makes a society flourish. This was true during the French Revolution and is still relevant today. As I said earlier on, manners lead to respect, and things like common courtesy speak a lot about your character. To prove this point, think about the people you respect. In most cases, these will people that use manners and be courteous with their actions and speech. Even just the little things like saying “I’m sorry”, “thank you”, and “excuse me”. Aren’t these qualities that deserve respect? This is also the case for well-educated and successful people.

Where are these bad manners coming from? Research conducted on teens show that 70% of these bad manners are learned from media and movies, 65% from school, and 62% from friends. Also, an astounding 92% of teens say they believe social media platforms such as Instagram are responsible for the decrease of civil and respectful society.

What is the solution? Considering 97% of teens believe courtesy and manners are learned at home, the solution is not reliant on school. It should not be up to schools to teach kids manners. Since this problem does not have a direct fix, the only solution is to spread awareness, set a good example, and encourage parents to teach their children at a young age. Also, don’t be influenced by disrespectful media and movie content. Some ways to be courteous are holding the door open for others, letting people exit a room or elevator before entering, giving your seat to the elderly, or simply follow the golden rule “treat others how one’s self would wish to be treated”.

In conclusion, you don’t lose anything by using manners, and you don’t win anything by being rude, so may as well display simple etiquette! As Eric Hoffer once said, and I quote, “Rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength”. 

“Manners are of more importance than laws. Upon them in a great measure, the Laws depend. The Law touches us but here and there, and now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us.” 

Works Cited

1. Debrett's. (2017). Debrett's Handbook: A Modern Guide to Etiquette. St. Martin's Press.
2. Emerson, R. W. (2017). Emerson's Essays: Self-Reliance, Compensation, Nature, Friendship. CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
3. Forni, P. M. (2002). Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct. St. Martin's Griffin.
4. Hoffer, E. (2011). The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements. Harper Perennial Modern Classics.
5. Lickona, T. (2003). Character Matters: How to Help Our Children Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues. Simon & Schuster.
6. Packer, B. (2016). The Death of Common Sense: How Law Is Suffocating America. Random House.
7. Post, E. (2013). Emily Post's Etiquette (18th ed.). William Morrow Paperbacks.
8. Thompson, M. (2019). Best Friends, Occasional Enemies: The Lighter Side of Life as a Mother and Daughter. Pegasus Books.
9. Whitson, S. (2019). The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces (3rd ed.). Unhooked Books.
10. Young, S. L. (2017). Manners That Matter Most: The Easy Guide to Etiquette at Home and in the World. Thomas Nelson.